Here's to a new decade|Concert experiences in 2019 and planned concerts for next year.

I wanted to make this super personal, and super meaningful because we are going into a new decade.

But honestly, I'm so tired mentally and physically I can't even process what exactly I really want to say so I'm just going to go over a few favorite memories of mine.

This year I've only been to 3 concerts, which now that I think about it was my concert count last year so it was about the same. 

The first concert was One Ok Rock, and while I briefly made mention of what happened on my twitter, I never really talked about my experience seeing them. I'm honestly still just a casual fan, and one of the main reasons I decided to go was to support a Jrock band coming to Utah for once. I thought it'd be cool to see them, but I wasn't super hyped on being up front and all that jazz.

I honestly had an okay experience seeing them, I don't quite remember the opening bands other than Waterparks who I honestly wasn't impressed with. I don't know if the venue just had bad sound quality, but I can't say that they did because I was able to understand Taka when he sang. But the lead singer of Waterparks was just very hard to understand and I didn't quite like the crowd they brought in.

And One Ok Rock did a great show, I liked their set, and their personality on stage was cool. I just didn't have the greatest experience because of the girls in front of me. I know you get lost in the moment in concerts, and they're always going to be crowded no matter what. But I could hear them giggle at the fact that they were so tall people behind them couldn't see.

And the two people who were behind them? Two small girls, who were there with their mom. Their mom tried multiple times to move them so they could see, but the tall girls would see and move in front of them. I got so irritated with them, and slightly irritated with myself for not saying anything to them.

Then when the drummer threw their drumsticks they fell on me trying to catch it, causing me to fall on top of another girl. I turned to the girl behind me and apologized, asking if she was alright and she said she was. We looked to the girls who caused us to fall, but they only sneered at us. Yeah, not the greatest experience overall, but it was still nice to sing along to the Beginning.

Probably should've stuck to my plan of sticking in the back however.

The next concert was GazettE obviously, and my personal experience was great. I seized the opportunity to be right on the barricade on the left side, right in front of Aoi. (Olli if you're reading this, again I'm sorry for just running off on you lol)

Honestly the whole concert was kind of a blur, I do remember specific parts where I interacted with Aoi and he shook his head at me a couple of times. I did meet a nice fan next to me, and we had fun rocking out with each other which made the experience a lot better for me. I also remember during the last song on their first set (Unfinished) I got super tired and sank against the barricade, my arms just dangling in the front. 

Aoi saw that I wasn't jumping and clapping my hands with the rest of the crowd, motioned me to do so, and so when I did he nodded and gave me a smile. I also remember when they were leaving after Encore, I threw my fist at Uruha for some reason, so he kind of threw his back up at me. (I wondered if he remembered cause he gave me a look during Meet and Greet lol)

Meeting them was great too, I wrote a blog about that already, but here's a recap of what I remember. 

• With Aoi I said thank you, gave him his shirt, and said thank you again. I do regret not saying any more to him, but the girls in front of me were rushed so I thought we were going to be rushed. (I learned later we wouldn't have been, sad.)
• I barely remember Reita other than what he looked like up close, I said thank you to him and he said it back. I believe he put his hand over mine as I held his hand with both my hands though. I did get caught between him and Ruki for a moment so I just swayed back and forth. I still regret not seeing the Offspring the week prior to gift him with Offspring merch. Next WT.
• Ruki is the one I feel like I had the most time with, but the one I confused the most. I gave him a fennec fox plushie, but instead of just handing it to him I put it on the table and said it was for him. He went to grab it, but I went for the handshake (I'm awkward, so sue me) I was so relieved at how pleasant our interaction was anyway, as ironically he was the one I was most nervous to meet. 
• With Kai, I really had no idea what came over me, but the minute he turned to look at me from watching the girl in front of me leave I just shouted "Kai!!!" and like....threw my hands up a little. It was almost like I was seeing an old friend after a long time. I think that made him happy, and I don't really remember what I said to him other than 'thank you so much'. 
• Uruha did the same thing Kai did almost, where he watched the girl in front of me walk off before turning to look at me. Except he like.....slanted his body a little? I don't know how to explain it, but he stared into my soul a little and I was almost too nervous to even touch him. I did the same thing with him I did with the other four, grabbed his hands with both of mine and bowed and said thank you. I remember looking up at him as I came back up and he just gave me his squinty eyed smile he does so much and I said "Thank you" again before running off towards the exit. 

Honestly that was such a good experience for me, aside from a few things that happened during my Dallas trip. I felt sad walking away from them not knowing when or if I was going to see them again, but I'm glad for the experience nonetheless.

The last concert I'm going to talk about is Hyde. Unlike the other two, he was just an opener for another band, but I really did like his set and his style. I didn't get to see a lot of him as he played a lot in the dark with his mask being the only thing I could see in the dark. But Hyde is such a great performer I forgave him for that.

Starset's set was pretty good, but I left like halfway through because I had a pounding headache and I just couldn't handle the crowd anymore. I do remember some of the Japanese fans hounding wherever Hyde probably was staying during the show, and I kind of cringed at that. Reminded me of that video of GazettE leaving Dallas Bomb Factory, left a bad taste in my mouth.

Also reminded me almost of a Saesang (a crazy kpop 'fan').

Also before I forget, the first band that played in that concert did an awesome cover to Africa by Toto so that was fun.

That's it for my concert experiences in 2019, I did go off on the GazettE, but whatever. The only concert I'm hoping to see next year so far is Hayley Kiyoko, but we'll see where I'm at in life when that rolls around.

Until next year.

Reita's pokemon team

Reita-Gym Leader-Fighting Type

Lucario

• Reita would probably be one of the later gyms you visit, so he's got relatively strong pokemon.
• Lucario being the strongest, possibly the one he sends out last and ends up dynamaxing.
• Reita has a special bond with this Lucario, as they've been pals long before he became gym leader.

Blaziken

• Why wouldn't Reita have a fire chicken that is also a fighting type pokemon?
• Honestly wouldn't put it past him to spam flamethrower. 

Hitmonlee+Hitmonchan

• But of course he has the two OG's of fighting type pokemon.
• Depending on the game/adventure you chose, he could use one or the other.
• Favorable towards Hitmonchan however.

Machamp

• Reita works out with him all the time, probably why he keeps losing his pokemon battles. Too much exercising, not enough training his actual pokemon.
• Second battle with him he definitely buffs him up a little, becomes a real challenge.
• Reita definitely uses him on Battle Tower. 

Emboar

• Another fire/fighting type duo.
• Raised him since he was a tepig, was pleasantly surprised at his evolution.

----

Reita wasn't too hard, I just didn't have too much to say about it? A lot of these pokemon I chose based on his personality as well, so that's why I included two fire type duo pokemon. Plus I doubt Reita'd be a hard gym leader to beat, even if he's one of the stronger ones. 

I just see him training for the fun of it, and that's why he's a gym leader.

the GazettE and their pokemon teams part 1 (Kai)

I thought of this post for a minute, and decided to make it a fun little blog post purely for my own entertainment. I did do a lot of thinking of what type of pokemon they would have, whether or not they'd be gym leaders, or just trainers as well. So that also went into the thought of whether or not they would have a more diverse team rather than being specific to one type.

Kai was thought out first, with the help of my best friend who's also a Kai stan.

We decided he'd be more Ground type, possibly even Rock type. I really just decided he'd be one of the first gyms, if not the middle that you visited on your journey.

Kai-Gym Leader-Ground type Pokemon

Cubone/Marowak

• Definitely would have cubone on your first encounter, but on your second it would have evolved into Marowak.
• Our reasoning for Cubone/Marowak is basically he's perfect for Kai, as in this alternate reality I think Kai'd be heavily into drumming and what better partner to have than Cubone?
• I also think Cubone would be with him from the very beginning, serving as one of his family's original pokemon who went on him on his adventures.

Nidoqueen

• He wouldn't have her on your first encounter, but definitely on his second encounter. 
• Honestly haven't thought of a backstory as to why he has her, or how she became apart of her team-but something along the lines that he saved her from some sort of abuse possibly.
• He's rather affectionate towards her, protective even though she can very well protect herself.
• She's a very fierce pokemon and is the one that brought them to be almost champions.

Flygon

• First encounter this was a Vibrava.
• Another pokemon that's been with Kai since very young.
• Usually the third pokemon he throws out, but considered one of his toughest pokemon because of his dragon typing.

Wooper

• Has him for the first encounter, but discontinues to use him after that. Though in storymode he's still seen by his Master's side from time to time.
• In possibly future battles, like a battle tower type deal, he'll bring Wooper back evolved into his Quagsire evolution.

Mudsdale

• Has him during both battles, including the possible Battle Tower match.
• Usually is the one he dynamaxes during battle if possible.
• Uses him as a means of transportation.

Sandslash

• Had him as a Sandshrew in the first battle, and evolved into Sandslash for the next two battles.
• Is usually one of his easier pokemon to get through if you use water type against him.
• If he didn't dynamax mudsdale, he could possibly dynamax Sandslash.

-----

Kai wasn't too hard to figure out, as I've always seen him with Ground type pokemon considering I've always seen him with a Cubone.

Because I haven't really thought out the rest, I decided to make an individual post for each member whenever I come up with a team for them.

So that's all for now.

Shoya Ishida+Redemption|A Silent Voice

A couple of nights ago I finally broke down to watch A Silent Voice on Netflix. I've always had the idea of what this anime had been about, but I really wasn't ready for all the emotions I was going to feel.

Given the flashbacks to understand the beginning of the movie and why the character was doing what he was doing, I actually didn't like Shoya. Possibly because I saw every negative trait that Shoya showed, in myself, and this held true until he got into High School. 

If you know the context of the story, Shoya is the one that bullies and harasses Shoko-a deaf girl who just transferred into his elementary school. While the topic of bullying hits close to home for me, considering my own personal experiences with boys like Shoya, it's his path of redemption that makes me wish that this was still true for me. Most of my bullies continued to either bully me or ignore anything they've done well into High School.

So why am I feeling like I relate to Shoya of all people?

After being shunned by his classmates, especially those he considered his best friends, Shoya develops anxiety when dealing with people. He shuts them out by not looking anyone in the eye, hence the x's that are drawn on each character's face, and he refuses to hear the noise that surrounds him. He refuses to listen.

A lot of the time, I feel like I've dealt with this type of problem. 

I went through High School like this, and it's his way of coping with his guilt from his past is something that I feel all too familiar with. 

Out of all the characters in the show, other than Shoko of course, I feel like Shoya is the one who is actively trying to right the wrongs of the past. He tries to make amends, though he doesn't know exactly how to go about it in the beginning. I feel like even if he couldn't properly apologize until the very end of the film, his goal of trying to make Shoko feel loved and to love herself was noble and a brave act.

He could have been like Naoka and push all the blame onto Shoko.

He could have been like Kawai and denied his participation in the bullying.

But the fact that he was actively trying to be better, trying to make it so that they could all at least be friends and civil with each other......well that's brave on his part. Which is why his development was so important, and something to admire even. 

I was going to close this with something smart, but I don't know how else to end this topic. (Note: It's been sitting in my drafts for like two months waiting for me to come up with more to say.)

So I hope you enjoy my thoughts on it anyway.

My introductory to Visual Kei|Kagrra

Sometimes I think about how I got into Visual Kei, and my stance on the culture now as opposed to when I was first introduced to it. Some friends, and even most of my family, think that the GazettE is the band that started it all-that they're the ones that introduced me to this thing I am still kind of into to this day.

However, if it weren't for Kagrra, a somewhat underdog when it came to the overseas fandom, I wouldn't even have thought to give them a chance. (My logic was a bit off when I was fifteen, but I must say I'm sort of grateful that it was.)

At the time of my friend introducing me to Visual Kei, and thus digging me into a hole I probably will never get out of, I didn't listen to much heavier music than Metallica or Three Days Grace. If you played a song like.....LEECH to me when I was 12, I would've probably said "Ew, get that screaming out of my ear." 

Music tastes change, and mine certainly did.

I've said on twitter how she composed a playlist/CD of songs she think I'd like. And none seemed to catch my eye, but among the songs composed by Kagerou and Dir en Grey, I picked up on a unique voice. 

The first song I ever liked and really dug was Satsuki. I remember thinking the music, Isshi's voice, had been great and that's when my friend started sending me more from them. For a while I was obsessed with Kagrra, I even went as far as to tell my friend that I didn't need to get into more Visual Kei bands-they were all I needed.

Isshi became my first bias, with Izumi the drummer becoming my second. I read interviews, watched clips of theirs, listened to all the albums my friend could make me at the time. Kagrra, made me feel relaxed, they eased something inside me that no other music could. They showed me that there was more to music than what I had originally thought could be possible.

I recall the TV interview they had done with the GazettE, and while I knew who they were-I remember thinking 'Ha ha, wow that other band is scary, I can't believe my friend likes the vocalist.' (She was a big Ruki stan.)

But my friend eventually ran out of Kagrra, songs to show me, so she put GazettE's more tamer songs on a CD and asked me to listen to it. And after a while I did eventually listen to it, thinking that if Kagrra, was friends with them that they were worth at least a listen. 

And that started a whole chain of events that led me down to where I am now in life. I know a lot of my friends who know me by now know how much I love Kagrra, and how much I miss them. Every opportunity I get to talk to them I do it, and honestly I still can't believe it's been almost eight years since Isshi died.

I always wonder what would have become of the Shiki project he was working on after the disbandment of Kagrra, but I suppose we'll never know it's full potential. Knowing Isshi, it would have been great.

I'm hoping for a possible Kagrra, reunion of some sort in the near future. Of course it'll never be the same without their vocalist, but I hope that the remaining members are healthy and happy no matter what they're doing.

GazettE dreams I've had.

I really wanted to make a blogpost about the Dallas show and experience, but considering I've talked enough on twitter and to my friends I figured I'd give that a rest. Plus I've already made a Meet+Greet experience post on tumblr and I figured that will suffice.

Lately I've been having really weird dreams about the GazettE in general. And it got me thinking of all the crazy ones I've had while being a fan, and even remembered some I had forgotten about from a long time ago. I'm not going to talk about the two sad ones I've had, as they depress me and they happened when another Jrocker had passed away. (Just by that explanation, you can probably guess what these dreams were about.)

So the first dream I'm going to talk about wasn't so much about the band, but about their song SILLY GOD DISCO. I was in High School when this dream happened and I was very much still new to the band and their music. At the time I frequented that Music Video a lot because it was one of my favorites and I just loved watching it.

I had a dream that they re-shot the music video and I was supposed to help with it. The only person who showed up in the dream was Uruha, and I remember I had to bring the camera close to him from behind a lot. They shot on a boat, and the camera was supposed to move under deck and above as the members played, but for some reason Kai's drumset was right in front of Uruha.

All I remember was that the camera guy was like "Okay girl, throw the camera at me so I can get a few shots of Uruha from the front and then some of the drummer." I was like "lol Okay" and like...chucked the camera but missed the camera man and hit Kai's drumset.

I woke up just before Kai threw a fit.

Another dream I had was that I was at church, for some random mutual activity, and GazettE was playing for some reason. If you don't know what mutual is, it's a thing that 12 year old to 18 year old kids have to do in the Mormon Church during the week. Mine was always on a Wednesday. We always did different activities but by the time I became a GazettE fan I was a less frequent visitor to these things.

Anyway, Reita was playing his bass like it was a violin and Aoi kept getting frustrated at him. Meanwhile Ruki was mingling with the older ladies in the crowd and even gave one a kiss on the cheek. I was like "What's going on here?"

Then the dream flipped to me going to a GazettE concert with my sister, and she was going to just stay for a bit and then go to a soccer game. But they like switched and the boys were playing soccer horribly and the soccer team had instruments?

I woke up I think after that or the dream just became hazy.

The next dream I had was kind of scary and I think I was out of high school at this point. At the point of the dream I still believed Taion had been about Junko Furata's death, which was proven to not be true-just a rumor.

So I had a dream I was in this temple/shrine. In the distance I could hear Ruki's voice as it sounds in Taion along with the guitar riffs and everything. It sounded like it was clouded and had an eery feeling to it. I remember just feeling uneasy during this dream, and I remember I was looking for those who were responsible for Junko's death.

And then she appeared, alongside Ruki (?) but he was in like his cockroach outfit and they both said I needed to bring her justice. Which I never did, I think, I just remember running away from the distant sound of Taion cause I was scared. I woke up feeling uneasy.

Another dream I had wasn't weird or scary, but kind of pleasant and a little sad. This was around the time Aoi was feeling down about himself, and even had that interview where he talked about leaving. I just remember we were laying in bed in the dream, and no we weren't doing anything nasty so you fans can just.....stop your train of thought right there.

But I was like talking to him, I think I was also telling him some of my dreams and aspirations while telling him I was happy that he was in the GazettE and telling him how important he was to the band. Everything I've ever wanted to say to him in person. And I just remember he had a smile on his face and he said 'thank you', then the dream faded and I woke up.

I talked about a few other dreams on my twitter, but right now this post is getting kind of long and I'll just stop right there.

Also did you know there's a theory that if you sleep at the same time as another person in the world, there's a chance you could meet each other in a dream? I had a friend once who said her sister had a dream about Aoi where she asked him if he could smile more, to be happy and know that his fans loved him.

After that he started to smile more, and I wonder if that theory could be true.

Could we dream at the same time as GazettE?

Who knows?

Anyway, that's all for now. What are some GazettE dreams you've had?

Music Playlist of 2019 so far.

It's hard to believe that we're four months into 2019, and honestly music wise I haven't been listening to anything new. 

Some of these songs were introduced to me via my friend, others I found while browsing other things and happened to like them. And most of them are stuff I've been listening to for a while now, but found a newfound appreciation for.

Xylo-Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea

My friend introduced to me this a while back, but I always fall back to it when I'm feeling like listening to something while I read or relax. As of late I've been listening to Xylo quite a bit, easing myself into their music. 

Natalie Taylor-In the Air Tonight (Phil Collin's Cover)

I heard this song from this, and I fell in love with the cover. I will forever appreciate and love the original, but there's a certain feel to this that I really like.

Hayley Kiyoko+Kehlani-What I Need

Another artist that my friend introduced me to, and honestly listening to this song reminds me of a past relationship and how I came to terms with my sexuality. The music video is fun to watch to, but I linked to a lyric video just in case you don't want the scenes in.

Ciara-Paint it Black

Another cover, but I got into this song after my friend and I went to a Burlesque show in Salt Lake. A girl danced to this and I was actually surprised that it was Ciara who covered it.

Xylo-Afterlife

The last song on my small playlist of this year so far will be by Xylo again. I feel like out of all this songs on this list, this is the one I relate to most. 

--

That's all for my playlist of 2019, I don't have much to say about them either other than they're a little different than what I usually listen to. A lot of the other songs I've been listening to are the same I've been listening to for a while now, so I didn't feel the need to add them and repeat the same thing over. (ha ha)

Until next time.

 

Being an Aoi stan and how it affected my self-esteem+Self-worth.

I noticed some things about myself recently, and I honestly thought about this in correlation with Aoi being my bias all these years. And I always wondered what it was about him that I liked at first, why I always seemed to only care what he had to say and sometimes even worried about him a lot more than the others.

Growing up I didn't really have the best self esteem, or even sense of self-worth at all. I always thought I was lesser than my friends, my family, and everyone around me. In result I always had this 'self-important' attitude which I used as some sort of defense mechanism because I didn't really want people to see how low I felt about myself. This always resulted in me pushing friends away, whether it be by being purposefully hurtful or just straight up shutting them out.

It wasn't anything they had done either, it was just something I had always done to try and protect myself because I felt they would move on anyways and I felt it would hurt worse this way. 

While I hadn't done anything like that in a while, at least I hope I haven't, these thoughts linger in my head and I wonder what would have happened should I had been strong enough to combat my insecurities right away rather than letting them win all the time.

And back to the topic of Aoi-that was a trend I started to notice with him the more I got to know him.

I had pushed it to the back of my head back then, not really thinking about it until he really starting talking down on himself and talking about leaving the band. I always knew he was a bit moody, but thought that's just how he was and didn't really stop to think about how lowly he truly felt about himself because half the fandom was joking about how he thought he was a superstar and what not.

I feel like I stuck with Aoi throughout all these years because I watched him struggle, and not give up in the long run. He didn't give up for himself, for his fans, and for the people he cared about. Like Uruha had said, it wasn't that he ever stopped loving the GazettE, it was that he loved it too much and he didn't see himself much in the music they were producing. I can understand the lack of self-worth that he must have felt when his songs were getting rejected one after the other.

On that note, I am so glad that he's doing so much better where he's at now. 

As someone who's struggled with their own self-worth, I feel like I connected with him on a certain level. I watched him gradually become okay with himself, even though he still has his moments. And slowly he began to do things for himself, like with Taujan and with his new company. I'm proud of the things he's accomplished in these past few years, that I want to yell at him at how great he is just so he knows he has that support.

And I feel like he knows, I feel like part of the reason he stuck around so long was because of the support of his fans. 

It made me think about if Aoi can push through the self-doubt and uncertainty that is life-then so can I. And this is why I always tell people, he's my biggest inspiration.

Don't get me wrong, the rest of the band are inspiring too! 

But as an Aoi stan, it's refreshing to see him grow as a person. There are times where I worry about him, but honestly feel like he's in a better spot now.

And honestly, I feel like I am too.