What it meant for me to be a Sixth Gun.

2018 was a weird year for me, personally and as far as fandoms go.

For the first half I was heavily into BTS music, though I can't say that I was heavily into the fandom. There are personal reasons why I don't delve into that fandom, but we'll talk about that in another blog post I suppose.

The thing is about my thing with fandoms is that I haven't been paying much attention to them, other than Marvel especially with Infinity War coming out. (And Ant Man 2)

But the Sixth Gun fandom has always been there for me to fall back on. It's always been considered my main fandom, even if I sometimes make myself scarce. And even if I get mad at most of the people in this fandom, I've also grown accustomed to the little friend group I've accumulated through this outlet.

Sure, I lose friends here and there, but I try not to think about it too much. Sometimes shit happens, sometimes it's just not meant to be. And if I've seemingly snubbed you or become distant, just know that it's just my personal choice and nothing against you.

(Okay wow, this turned into a different rant, but let's get back on topic...)

The last half of this year, the GazettE announced another World Tour. I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that this was coming, and at first I didn't want it to happen. I know it sounds selfish of me, as I had wanted them to wait until I was able to save more, or actually be able to see them in Japan. But in a way....I'm glad.

Last time they came in 2016 I saw them at the Wiltern, and while I will always have fond memories of that trip-I somewhat regret my decision to not try to get VIP. I hadn't been getting paid well plus the fact that I didn't think it mattered if I got it or not.

I kept telling myself that I was too awkward of a person to meet them, but at the same time wished I had been able to convey just exactly how much I appreciate them.

Especially Aoi.

So when tickets went on sale, I was glad that I could budget my money that I could afford VIP this time. And I had chosen Dallas this time, for more personal reasons, mostly being that I really want to be able to meet a good friend who's also going to Dallas.

Even though it's four months away, I'm thinking of what I can say to each of them that conveys how much this band means to me. It allowed me to connect to people I otherwise wouldn't have connected with.

Despite being as awkward as I am, and lacking for words (if that's how you say it), my friends are patient with me and they understand. I never seem to have found that sort of friendship other places aside from a few other fandoms.

And for someone who grew up with hardly any close friends, well that's something.