It was things I've tried to keep hidden however, but it always made me a moody person to be around and at times not the most pleasant person. I have spells where everything is fine, and I'm in my happy spot-but then my mood dropped back down and I wanted nothing to do with the world. It would make sense, since my own mother deals with depression-I just never got to a Doctor.
Maybe I'm too afraid to know the truth.
When I was little, all my siblings had their favorite band. All six of them. My oldest had Metallica, another was really a big fan of Rage Against the Machine and my sister at the time liked anything by Beyonce. [Or just whatever what was popular on the radio, which was me for a while too. She changes her favorite music though, so there's that.]
I was in 8th grade when I wondered who my favorite band would be, but no band stood out for a long time. I was really into country in Junior High, and I liked to listen to a lot of Simple Plan. And a lot o Ciara for some reason. [I got her CD for Christmas, never got another album from her again. Same goes for Simple Plan.]
The beginning of my Sophomore year I was really into All American Rejects. I thought maybe I found my band, this was going to be the band. When I met my best friend, she started to realize I was into some Japanese songs. Granted they were anime openings, but she saw my spark of interest which leads me to believe is why she introduced me to Visual Kei.
At the time, I didn't listen to anything heavy other than maybe Metallica. I didn't care for screaming, or the heavy guitars. It wasn't my style, or at least at the time I thought it wasn't my style. During all this, I was still dealing with all my sadness and sometimes anger. But I thought it came with being an angsty teenager, I just thought I needed that angsty band to match.
She made a mix of bands she thought I would like. I forgot a lot, but I knew it included Kagrra, Dir en Grey [their softer songs I guess] and Kagerou. I instantly took a liking to Kagrra, I listened to Satsuki over and over. She burned me all their albums [well, all their albums up til like 2006 lol].
One day at school she came up to me. She was like "I ran out of Kagrra, albums to make you, so I made you a GazettE mix." the GazettE of course was her favorite band, second to maybe Dir en Grey [Am I wrong? It was like ten years ago so meh]. I always remember on messenger she would have a picture of Ruki, though at the time I never knew who he was.
I'm going to admit, I didn't touch the GazettE mix for about two weeks because I was so into the Kagrra, albums I had. No matter what I was doing, I always had their songs playing in the background.
And my eyes went to the GazettE mix. "I know you don't like screaming much, so I put most of their ballads and softer songs on there for you."
And that's how I ended up here. The first song had been Bathroom, but since it starts out slow I thought the first song was broken so I skipped it. So technically my first song from the GazettE was Zakurogata No Yuutsu.
I could probably ramble onto what made me into a GazettE fan, but that's another story for another time. [Perhaps I've already said it, I've been on the net so long I don't remember what I post anymore...]
At the time, and sometimes now, I felt at peace just listening to them. And honestly they opened up doors for me as far as other music. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be as big as a coldrain fan as I am now.
So while they don't completely erase my sadness, they make and have made life a little bit easier to deal with. Which is why I'm with them for the long run.
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