Musings

Though I've never been professionally diagnosed, I've always wondered if I dealt with some sort of depression. Since the third grade I've morbidly thought of ways I could die, or at least run away and never come back.

It was things I've tried to keep hidden however, but it always made me a moody person to be around and at times not the most pleasant person. I have spells where everything is fine, and I'm in my happy spot-but then my mood dropped back down and I wanted nothing to do with the world. It would make sense, since my own mother deals with depression-I just never got to a Doctor.

Maybe I'm too afraid to know the truth.

When I was little, all my siblings had their favorite band. All six of them. My oldest had Metallica, another was really a big fan of Rage Against the Machine and my sister at the time liked anything by Beyonce. [Or just whatever what was popular on the radio, which was me for a while too. She changes her favorite music though, so there's that.]

I was in 8th grade when I wondered who my favorite band would be, but no band stood out for a long time. I was really into country in Junior High, and I liked to listen to a lot of Simple Plan. And a lot o Ciara for some reason. [I got her CD for Christmas, never got another album from her again. Same goes for Simple Plan.]

The beginning of my Sophomore year I was really into All American Rejects. I thought maybe I found my band, this was going to be the band. When I met my best friend, she started to realize I was into some Japanese songs. Granted they were anime openings, but she saw my spark of interest which leads me to believe is why she introduced me to Visual Kei.

At the time, I didn't listen to anything heavy other than maybe Metallica. I didn't care for screaming, or the heavy guitars. It wasn't my style, or at least at the time I thought it wasn't my style. During all this, I was still dealing with all my sadness and sometimes anger. But I thought it came with being an angsty teenager, I just thought I needed that angsty band to match.

She made a mix of bands she thought I would like. I forgot a lot, but I knew it included Kagrra, Dir en Grey [their softer songs I guess] and Kagerou. I instantly took a liking to Kagrra, I listened to Satsuki over and over. She burned me all their albums [well, all their albums up til like 2006 lol].

One day at school she came up to me. She was like "I ran out of Kagrra, albums to make you, so I made you a GazettE mix." the GazettE of course was her favorite band, second to maybe Dir en Grey [Am I wrong? It was like ten years ago so meh]. I always remember on messenger she would have a picture of Ruki, though at the time I never knew who he was.

I'm going to admit, I didn't touch the GazettE mix for about two weeks because I was so into the Kagrra, albums I had. No matter what I was doing, I always had their songs playing in the background.

And my eyes went to the GazettE mix. "I know you don't like screaming much, so I put most of their ballads and softer songs on there for you."

And that's how I ended up here. The first song had been Bathroom, but since  it starts out slow I thought the first song was broken so I skipped it. So technically my first song from the GazettE was Zakurogata No Yuutsu. And it all went down from there. 

I could probably ramble onto what made me into a GazettE fan, but that's another story for another time. [Perhaps I've already said it, I've been on the  net so long I don't remember what I post anymore...]

At the time, and sometimes now, I felt at peace just listening to them. And honestly they opened up doors for me as far as other music. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be as big as a coldrain fan as I am now.

So while they don't completely erase my sadness, they make and have made life a little bit easier to deal with. Which is why I'm with them for the long run.

Top Five Guitarists

Honestly, the last post I had a hard time coming up with reasons why I liked the drummer, other than their drumming was rad and I quite liked it. [Lame, I know, so lame.]

So with the guitarists, [and bassists] I have cut it short to five simply because I don't think I can just bullshit my way through with this. And obviously, I'm only going to choose one guitarist from each band-if they happen to have two that is.

As always, personal favorites-don't like them? Oh well.

Let's get moving.

5. Orianthi

Orianthi has a promising career, she's playing with the likes of the Rock legends such as Alice Cooper and Steve Vai. Granted her album that she debuted with was too pop for someone like her, but she really shows promise when it comes to playing guitar. I really liked that she credits none other than Carlos Santana for her interest in guitar, because what better role model to have especially if you come out as a solo guitarist.

4. Carlos Santana

If this was a list of 'who is the best damn guitarist in the entire world', Carlos would definitely be in the number one spot. But this is not that list, as I am going by my personal favorites. I grew up on Santana, my dad was always playing his albums when he came home from work. So I'm not just putting him on this list just because.

Honestly he plays 'While My Guitar Gently Weeps' as if it were his own song, no matter what song he plays he just owns it like a boss. He was once stated to be the best guitarist in the field, though he's always respectful of other musicians and their accomplishments. My dream is to take my dad to a Santana concert, so he can at least hear him play live once.

3. Shin of Kagrra,

When it comes to guitarists being underrated, I always thought Shin was underappreciated for his work as a musician. Not only did he play the guitar and do good with it, he also played the Koto in a few songs [such as Utakata]. After the disbandment of Kagrra, he formed a band called PLAYERS with Nao [now known as Naoki] but he has since left PSC and fell under the radar like Izumi has.

Though I'm not sure if that's completely accurate, I just know he has nothing to do with PSC at this point and time.

2. Yokochi of coldrain

Masato stated that Yoko writes almost all of their songs, and that's quite a feat in itself. He is extremely talented, and I really had a hard time choosing between him and Sugi. [I have a thing for ssecond guitarists, what else is new?]

Honestly I didn't appreciate him until the second time I saw coldrain. He was such a sweet person to meet, after I gave them all a hug he had smiled at me and said "Have a good day!" He is also a dork, playing around with Ryo and what not.

I believe mostly all the solos Coldrain has is played by Yoko as well.

1. Aoi of the GazettE

Are you surprised? No? Well....

Yeah, you shouldn't be. I'm extremely bias when it comes to Aoi, but everything he does with the guitar and his work I love. It was his ending solo in Cassis that made me fall in love with the GazettE, so I owe a lot to him just as an individual musician. Uruha overshines him in a lot of aspects, I've argued with fans that Aoi is just AS talented as him before.

I really said all I could say about Aoi in a previous post, but I could ramble on and on about him some more. He really is talented, and I don't think he'll be leaving my number one spot for a long time.

Top Ten Drummers

I'm doing really good on posts lately, I'd like to keep up that momentum. So I decided to make another list, this time with my personal Top Ten drummers.

Like any list around, these are my personal favorites. If you don't see someone you like, then I'm sorry-but not everyone can like the same people I suppose.

I am going to include one drummer of a band I don't even listen to, simply because I do think he is a good drummer and I respect what he does. Also, I won't add anyone who is known to me to be a dick-so no Lars from Metallica on this list. Sorry.

So let's get on with this list.

10. Jenny Ledger of Skillet

Jenny was sort of my inspiration for a while, because I was happy to finally see a female drummer that I liked. Though my brush with the Skillet fandom was very brief, I still think Jenny is an excellent drummer and underappreciated at times within this scene. If you listen to Forgiven and Hero off their Awake album, you'll understand where I'm coming from.

9. Shinya of Dir en Grey

I'm going to be honest and say I've only ever liked two Dir en Grey songs, and it's been years since I even heard those songs. But the reason I liked them so much were because of Shinya's drums, and honestly if it weren't for certain things I would definitely be a Dir en Grey fan. I highly respect him as a musician and a drummer, and I can honestly see why some fans look up to him.

Though I'm not a fan of the band as a whole, I nod my head at them in respect simply because they are a good band in some perspectives. Just not my cup of tea. Perhaps one day I will finally sit down and listen to an entire Dir en Grey album, only to hear more of Shinya's work.

8. Etienne Bowler of Misterwives

Now I just love about everyone in Misterwives. I feel like they're an underrated band as a whole, and I love hearing him play though usually I'm more captivated by Mandy Lee's voice that I forget that there's a whole band surrounding her. Honestly, I don't think I have any song that I don't like the drums in it, or the whole beat as a whole.

I'm seeing them in April with Panic! and I can't wait to hear what these guys can do live. Also his name goes to the number one spot of most interesting name on this list.

7. Brandon Barnes of Rise Against

It's actually becoming harder for me to come up with reasons why I like these drummers, other than they're pretty badass. I don't listen to Rise Against as much as I should, but honestly their music is still really good. [I'm saving my energy for the top three, so sue me]

Not much to say about Brandon, other than it looks like he's doing a swell job at what he's doing, but I don't know him as a person. Rise Against is one of those bands I do casually listen to.

6. James Culpepper of Flyleaf

Ah way back in High School I was a Flyleaf fanatic. And like Misterwives, sometimes I got too wrapped up in the vocalist. But James's playing was really good, especially live and honestly I found myself watching him and Pat when I wasn't watching Lacey. Not much to say about him either, as I lost touch with the band since Lacey left and Kristin joined.

5. Will Ferri of Against the Current

Honestly he's my favorite of the band, only because he's hilarious and he's pretty good live. I don't know much about him either, as I said before I'm not heavily into Against the Current as others are simply because they cater to the teenage crowd.

4. Tatsuya Amano of Crossfaith

I stated before I saw them live once, but honestly though his drumming is really good-I was too captivated in Hiroki that I didn't really pay attention to anyone else. He really is a nice person, though I don't know much about him.

[I'm so sorry, the next three will be better...]

3. Izumi of Kagrra, [disbanded]

Sadly after Kagrra,'s eventual demise, Izumi fell off the radar. While his other bandmates had gone on to other projects within the Visual Kei realm, he decided not to pursue music any further and honestly I think he was the one who hurt the most when the band disbanded. He was underrated as a musician and as a drummer, not many fans think of him-but I loved him.

As a person and as a musician. Hopefully he's doing well in whatever he's doing, and maybe one day he will return to the scene.

2. Katsuma of coldrain

Honest to god I had a real hard time deciding where to place Katsuma because honestly he's so close to the number one spot it's not even funny. I'd be damned if I didn't say that he was the best drummer I've seen in my life, but eventually I had to let the other guy win. If you listen to coldrain, you will understand why.

Especially with songs like Wrong, the Story, and Gone even. Katsuma has such a stage presence, and personality wise he's so sweet and loving. I mean the guy dotes on his cat and shows his pet off to the world like the proud pet parent he is. I've met him twice, and both times he was super sweet and honestly I could go on about him.

If you can, give coldrain a shot.

1. Kai of the GazettE

And then there's this fucking loser.

Okay joke aside, I really did have a hard time with Kai and Katsuma, because my love for their work is so close they can both be number 1 in my heart. [Just not on this list...] I loved Kai's drumming from the beginning, but it was when I heard Chizuru that I really started to appreciate him more. And honestly Ugly is a song where his talent shines through.

He really is a good drummer though, and I'm glad his fanbase keeps growing. He's such a sweetheart, though sometimes I guess he can say dickish things.

But Katsuma was so close to beating him. 

Just not today. Sorry love.

____

And that's it for this post! I'm not doing any honorable mentions this time around.

Hopefully tonight I can get my top five Guitarists out, as I'm only doing five with that list.

Bye for now! 

Top ten bands|Musicians I've seen live.

I stated before on this blog that I've seen pretty much all of my Dream concerts, aside from a few. There were bands that I absolutely would die [and have] to see, and there are bands that I would love to see live but it wouldn't kill me either way if I never did.

With that said, these are the top ten bands I've seen live. Granted, some of these bands I haven't listened to a lot since seeing them-but they're rad live and I'd see them again because they put on a good show.

This is also based off my personal experiences as well.

 10. The Wonder Years

Honestly, this band is a one time deal for me-but I have to say they put on a pretty good show. This show had been a while ago, and I hadn't gone on my own accord just to accompany my brother. I don't even have good memories of the actual concert, I kept getting kneed in the face by a fan and I was squished against the stage.

And I never saw them when they came back for my first Warped Tour. Are they still around?

Still putting them on the list though, for putting on a good show.


9. Yellowcard

Yellowcard is that band that just screams middle school to me, and honestly they're one of the only bands I've seen that I loved during that age. I can say I saw them before their disbandment [which is this past year] and they put on a great show. I lost interest somewhere in high school [in which Visual Kei took over my life], but I was glad I got to see them at Warped Tour.

Unfortunately I didn't make their show when they came back to Utah, I didn't have the funds and I couldn't find people to go with. So sadly that was a one time thing for me, but if they do a reuinion show down the road I'll be in for that.

8. Cane Hill

Cane Hill hadn't been the band I originally got tickets for, but they had put on such a great show that I had to include them. I had known nothing of them, and neither did my brother which is shocking because my brother is one of those who is more into this scene and digging up bands left and right. I included them simply because they do put on a damn good show, and I'd be damned if I didn't say I catch myself listening to their music.

Smile is a really good album and a good listen, and if you have a chance to see them live I highly recommend it. After their set I did get a chance to meet the vocalist I believe, though my memory is a bit foggy. And I had only met them briefly as I had wandered off while my brother was talking to them.

Follow them on twitter, and give their music a shot.

[I might add I did have a chance to see them at Warped Tour, but I got my times mixed up and I missed their set. I'm still upset at myself.]

7. Lindsey Stirling 

I hardly listen to her music anymore that I forget that I even saw her live. I'm not saying I don't catch myself checking what she's doing, but I lost interest like the fickle person I am. She however, puts on a good show. I have mixed emotions about her concert however, as I saw her in the Venue [in Salt Lake] and I was stuck behind a tall person the whole set.

[I even tried to move so I could see better, but the girl looked behind her and at me and moved in front. Apparently she thought I didn't deserve to see her?]

One thing I remember is when she was playing the Phantom of the Opera medley, I was singing to myself [Think of Me] and she smiled at me. My brother told me she didn't, but I like to pretend she did. (:

6. Northlane

Like Cane Hill, I didn't really intend to see Northlane even though they were the headline band. I did however, listen to their music before the concert so I did get a feel of how they were. And honestly I liked what I heard, and when I saw them live finally I really liked what I heard. They are a really good band, and I'm surprised I don't hear more people talk about them.

I felt bad however, I missed half the set because I worked at six am the next morning and I had to drive an hour to get home. So if Northlane is ever in the area again, I'm definitely getting tickets and going.

5. Crossfaith

Crossfaith was introduced to me via my brother. In 2013 at Warped Tour he had practically dragged me to their set, and honest to god this band puts on a damn good show. [I'm repeating myself a lot, but meh]. Honestly I was so captivated by Hiroki that I forgot that I didn't know a damn song by them, despite my brother constantly shoving songs at me.

I still need to listen to them more, but I don't regret seeing them. They're nice people, yet the only person I remember meeting is Hiroki.

4. Linkin Park

The other band from middle school that I got to see live! Honestly, if it weren't for the top three on my list-these people would be number one for sure. It was really great to see them play, and I loved how they played their fair share of their [at the time] newer songs and then their classics. Honestly when In The End came on, everyone was singing to that.

Don't remember much other than they played One Step Closer as their closer, and I went with a High School friend. I definitely wouldn't miss them again if they ever come back.

3. Flyleaf

In my list on my tumblr I had put Flyleaf on number one, but because of certain things I did bump them down to number three. This had been my first concert, at least of a band that I loved myself and listened to almost daily. Flyleaf had been the band that had been second to the GazettE in favoritism, so they still hold a special place in my heart as does that night.

Lacey meant so much to me, even now that she’s not a part of the band anymore she still means so much to me. Her voice is one of the most powerful female vocals I’ve heard live. It also meant so much to me that she had pointed directly at me and my sister during Fully Alive because we were so excited for that song.

2. Coldrain

And here's the reason I went to see Cane Hill and Northlane. [Thanks coldrain!]

They are also the first band I've seen twice, and honestly for good reason. I feel like coldrain sort of filled that void, as I was always searching for another band to love other than the GazettE. Flyleaf had been that band, but it wasn't the same after Lacey left the band.

They put on a great show, and being front row for both of the shows I went to was even more amazing. Masato has such a stage presence! And meeting them had been a delight as well, never thought I'd get a chance to meet them twice within a year. They are so kind too, and this is a group filled with the most genuine people I've ever seen.

1. the GazettE [annnnnnd you saw that coming, right?!]

I've heard their live DVDs, thinking that's all I would ever get to experience when it came to this band. Even when the rumors were flying about a possible American tour, I was on the fence because I knew they wouldn't come to Utah. But I am so glad I took the opportunity and saw them in LA anyways, because it's the best thing to hear them live!

I was on the balcony, but I could feel the ground beneath me shake. That's how crazy it got. And when I heard Ruki sing the first few notes of DOGMA, I honestly about cried because I couldn't believe I was hearing that in real time.

I'll see them again, hopefully in Japan next time.

They sound so much better live and I love it.

Honorable Mentions 

1. Against the Current
2. Rebelution
3. the Ataris 

Upcoming show

 Death of a Bachelor Tour with Panic!at the Disco and Misterwives March 18th