What my tattoo means to me.

I've always wanted a tattoo, when I turned 18 I vowed to get at least one during my lifetime. But figuring out what to get was a problem for me, as my mind was ever changing and half the tattoo ideas I had I couldn't even tell you what they were anymore.

As of May 3rd, 2016 though, I had decided. Though it was a small idea at first, the minute I heard Ruki sing "You can't take my soul away from me" live in person, I knew that's what I wanted. I had different ideas with it at first, just the lyric, or a pen writing it out (As I like to consider myself a writer still).

But I thought of the idea I had for another tattoo and thought "why not combine the two?" 

My tattoo, with lyrics from Vortex by the GazettE+ the Sampaguita flower.

My dad is from the Philippines, and that's always been an important factor growing up as a child. My parents would always tell us stories of how they met, and the place where my dad grew up. Being part Filipino has always been apart of my identity, and how I was raised. I wanted to have something that honored that, but I was short on ideas since my sister already has the national anthem in my dad's native tongue and my brother has the star.

That's where I came up with the idea for the Sampaguita flower, which is also the national flower of the Philippines and considered "The Philippine Jasmine".

Since I've been wanting both tattoos for a while, I thought about it and thought they went well together. So when I went to see my artist, we both played with ideas on what the design should look like and ultimately we went with this look which I love. It's still healing, so when it fully heals I'll post a picture for sure.

No one will be able to take away this identity from me, it's part of who I am and I feel like this tattoo represents how I feel as not only a Sixth Gun, but a person of Filipino descent.

But even if I grow distant from the GazettE and I'm no longer a fan, even though I'll always know the lyrics were from VORTEX, it also has it's meaning outside of the GazettE which is what makes it so special to me knowing that it'll grow with me in that sense.

Not only that, I'll always remember the connections I made within the Sixth Gun fandom. In the 12 years I've been a fan, I've made and lost friends, but I have made connections that I never thought I would before. I stepped out of my comfort zone tons of times just for this band, conquered my fear of flying and much more.

They've done so much for me as a person, and I'm glad that I get to represent them in this special way.

My CD collection~

Warning, this will be a long post. I'm also thinking of getting rid of a few of these CD's, but not sure of what so I will come back and put an (*) on those I would like to get rid of. [Though some of them I think I can just give away, they might not even be worth selling]

Also a lot of these CD's are old, beat up, and I only showed what I had. I am missing some artist's CD's for some reason [Like my Flyleaf album 'Memento Mori] so I excluded some actual CD's I do have.

I will start with my non-j-rock bands.

My favorite GazettE songs.

Since I'm tired, and should be sleeping soon, I don't think I'll go into much reason or even link to the songs I'm listing. Simply because most won't be on their vevo, and youtube tends to jump on the copyright thing quick so most songs won't be available for long, if at all.

• Vortex~Personal reason why I like Vortex so much, but hearing it live amplified my love for it. I plan on a tattoo surrounding this song in the near future.
• Cassis~I hear this song is overrated according to some fans, but honestly I love it. It's a lovely ballad, and it's the song that got me into the GazettE even further. I was sad that I couldn't hear Aoi's acoustic in the newer version, but happy with his solo at the end as always.
• Undying~Honestly can't get enough of this song, especially hearing it live. I love how well Ruki's voice has improved over the years, and I think this song showcases his improvement to be honest.
• Headache Man~Only thing I need to say I was sourly disappointed not hearing this song live.
• 13 [Stairs]~Ruki, why you no play this song in LA? T___T
• Filth in the Beauty~Honestly, even though this is the most overplayed song, hearing it live was an experience and I'm glad they at least humored us in playing it.
• VENOMOUS SPIDER WEB~You should've heard me scream when they started playing it in LA.
• Ugly~Good song to listen to when I'm pissed.
• All of NIL~God bless this album. 
• All of DIM~GOD FUCKING BLESS THIS ALBUM.
• DOGMA~Took me a while to appreciate it, but it's a pretty rad song.
• DEUX~I like the concept tbh.

I'm....I'm so tired, I'm just going to end it here.

Goodnight.

[I'll add on when I'm not as tired.]

Masato's lyrics about betrayal and karma?

When it comes to coldrain, and Masato's lyrics in general-there seems to be an ongoing theme. Though it might be me reading too much into it, I've noted that a lot of their songs deal with karma and betrayal.

Sort of like "You get what you deserve, you bastard." type of deal.

R.I.P.

Take a bow and rest in peace,
We're all sick of your disease,
Nothing here will be the same,
The damage has been done, 
Well, I hope you had your fun.

Okay let's push aside the fact that the chorus sounds awfully a lot like Dani California by Red Hot chili Peppers [and I still love R.I.P but I can't deny that the riffs sound the same.]

Going in the direction of "You get what you deserve." R.I.P's music video and lyrics indicate that you reap what you sow. Possibly talking about a friend who uses drugs, uses his friends, until he has no more, and realizing that he has no one to turn to anymore. And songs like this make me wonder about Masato, and the band in general, and if they've ever dealt with such things or if this is just Masato's observations of human behavior.

I'll definitely try to find interviews to see if Masato does explain this song, and others,, but for now most of these will be my personal observations.

Inside Out
 
You left me bleeding in vain,
Did you really think we'd stay the same?
I dealt with your bullshit, now deal with the truth,
An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.

It's what you deserve.

I'm going to be a little cryptic in saying that I've related to this song so much, but I won't delve into that one.

This song made me especially think about what could possibly be going on in their lives that this is always the subject of their songs? Once again it might be Masato observing human nature and how we deal with betrayal.

There just seems to be a lot of anger, though I'm reminding myself that this is nu metal and that seems to be the general theme altogether.

You Lie

You lie you lie,
so much that you don't know anymore,
You die you die a little bit each time,
You lie you lie,
So much that you don't know anymore,
What you are is lost,
but no one will ever know

I feel like this one could be about politicians in general, going by the video. About how their lies will eventually come back to haunt them. [Hopefully, for the rest of us] Or how they betray the trust of the people they are supposed to be serving?

But it also has a them of "You're a lying scumbag, and you will get what you deserve." 

Envy

You don't ever STOP STOP STOP,
until you get your way,
and I'm getting SICK SICK SICK,
More than I'd ever say,
I bite my tongue every time and keep it in,
Because you won't ever STOP STOP STOP,
Until the bitter end,
So here we go until it all breaks down. 

So I'm actually thinking that more than anything, FATELESS carries this theme the most? While I can think of SOME songs that relate to this topic, I feel like FATELESS carries it more. If that made any sense at all.

Envy seems to be the same, where they feel betrayed by someone who they thought was a friend, but this seems more like he's waiting for the friendship to crumble? That this person he's talking about doesn't care about anyone but himself, he's selfish and won't stop hurting his friend until he gets his way.

--
That's all I could think of at 2 AM in the morning, so if I think about anything else I'll write another post.

What do you think??

Music Survey

1. What are you listening to right now?Colorblind by coldrain.

2. What song(s) make(s) you sad?
Cassis, Untitled, Pledge-the GazettE
Stay by coldrain
I guess that's it? I don't know anything else.

3. What is the most annoying song in the world?I guess that stupid Jake Paul song.

4. Your all time favorite band?
the GazettE

5. Your newly discovered band is?
Hmmmm, I don't know??? I guess it's Gossip.

6. Best female voice?

Hmmmm, it's a tie between Mandy Lee Duffy from Misterwives and Lacey Sturm, formally of flyleaf.

7. Best male voice?

Tie between Ruki from the GazettE, Isshi from Kagrra, and Masato from coldrain.

8. Music type you find yourself listening to most?J-rock, Nu-metal

9. What do you listen to, to hype you up?Runaway by coldrain feat Jacoby from Papa Roach

10. What do you listen to when you want to calm down?
Cassis by the GazettE

11. Last gig/concert you went to?
I think it was Michelle Branch

12. Band you find yourself listening to the most right now?
coldrain

13. Most hated band?

Falling in Reverse

14. Song that makes you think?

Guren by the GazettE

15. Band that you think the world should love as much as you do?
I think people should decide whether or not they like a band, but I guess crossfaith.

16. Coolest music video?
I think it's a tie between UGLY by the GazettE and ENVY by coldrain,which is funny cause they both do the 'surrounded by fans' aesthetic.

17. Music video with the most babe watch?
?????

18. What do you play/would you play in the bedroom to spice things up?
I don't know.

19. Can you play a musical instrument?
No.
20. Ever been in a mosh pit?
Been near one, but no.
21. Are you in a band?
No.

23. Ever dated a musician?
Aoi No.

28. Do you wish that you were a musician?
Eh.
29. Best chick band you know of?Aldious.

31. Last song that you heard on the radio/CD…etc…?I listen to Ryuusei Rocket by an cafe for shits and giggles.

32. What do you think of Classical music?
It's pretty cool.

33. What do you think of Country music?
Jesus, take the wheel.

34. What do you think of Death metal?
Depends.

35. Last BIG band that you saw live?
I guess Rise Against and Deftones. If not them, Linkin Park.

36. Are you a groupie?
No.

37. Do you listen to music in foreign languages?
Yeah. Japanese and sometimes Korean.

38. What famous musician would you like to “spend the night with”!?
I guess Brendon Urie.

39. Worst concert moment?
When some guy smacked me in the face three times during the Wonder Years set when he was trying to crowdsurf, then getting spit on by their guitarist unintentionally.

40. Funny concert moment?
I don't know? I guess running into Masato like five times after the concert with Northlane.

41. Sad concert moment?
WHEN GAZETTE LEFT THE STAGE ;A;

42. Best local act you can think of?
I don't know.

43. If you were a musical instrument what would you be?A guitar

44. Do you listen to the radio?
No

45. Do you watch music TV?
No

46. Do you follow the music charts, like the top 40?
No

47. Have you met any famous musicians?
I met coldrain twice.

48. Are any of your friends/family/etc. musicians?
My brothers can play guitar.

49. Song that best describes your feelings right now?
R.I.P by coldrain

50. Song that describes your life?
Inside Out by coldrain idk

51. Do you know the names of all the band members that you listen to?
Most of them.

52. Does a musician’s physical attractiveness play a role in the music that you listen to?
No.

53. What famous musician do you want to marry?
Aoi?

53. Favorite movie sound track?
Tarzan

55. Any musician pet hates?
When new artists complain about the success of those who've worked hard in the industry to get to where they are. Wondering why they're not 'well off' when they haven't put in the same work.

56. What do your parents listen to?Simon&Garfunkel, the Beatles, Santana, the Eagles, Frank Sinatra, Jim Croce, the Animals, etc

57. What are you listening to right NOW?
Aftermath by coldrain

58. Do you wear band etc T-shirts?
Yeah.

59. Do you cook to music?
Yeah.

60. Do you sing in the toilet?
No.

A real genuine love.

Sometimes I think about my favorite bands, and think about how much I care about them and hope they have a good day/night.

Masato of coldrain

In the past decade, aside from the GazettE, I haven't really had any other bands that I've really liked for a long time. At least not ones that have stuck with me, and I've said this about coldrain before so many times in the past four or so years. And I've already dedicated a post about coldrain and what they mean to me, but I'm thinking more about them as a whole and other bands that I may not even like [but have the same dedication to their art and their fans.]

Honestly speaking, even if you don't like coldrain or the GazettE, you can't really say there really isn't anything special about them. Both bands have been around for a while, GazettE has been around longer by five more years, but whatever.

They've both worked their asses off to get where they are now, like any other band who's willing to chase the dream. The thing I've noticed about both bands, having met with one of them twice, is that their genuine love for the music that they create and the fans that love their music.

coldrain

Having met coldrain personally, I can attest that they have a genuine interest in their fans. I talk about it a lot, so I won't mention it again, but I could feel that when I hugged each member. When Yoko smiled and wished me to have a good day, I felt light-hearted inside. I could have died right then and there, and would've been fine honestly.

And I've heard the same about the GazettE, having friends who personally met them. And it warms my heart that I've chosen to be stans of these people, that I chose to support them in their endeavors as they continue to chase their dream.

Masato and Katsuma being....well themselves.

I also think about fans around the world, not just of the GazettE and coldrain, but of other bands. That they also think this way of their favorite bands, and honestly I think that's pretty dang neat. [Okay sue me for saying that, but I did't know how else to word it.]

My favorite place in the world to be is at a concert, to see the connection of the band and their fans. And not only that, but with fans connecting with each other.

Concerts make me feel one with others, even if it's just for a moment.

This is why I appreciate the GazettE and coldrain, or even some of my other favorite bands, so much. Because they've given me this outlet.

And it's so good to know that the bands I support and follow, are genuine in what they do and show love when they can.

Another Survey about me.

I like doing surveys, and I haven't really done a fun one in a while so here we go.

--

1. Are you a very open or private person?
It depends on the person. I'm a very social person when I'm working in a close proximity to someone, or if I'm hanging out. But I'm also a very guarded person, depending on if I feel like I can trust you with my most intimate emotions.

2. What is your favourite Christmas movie?
I don't have one.

3. When did you stop believing in Santa?
3rd Grade

4. What do you get complimented on the most?
I don't know honestly? I used to get compliments on my writing, but I don't write as much as I used to if at all.

5. How are you feeling right now?
Tired.

6. If money was no object, where would you move to?
Either Seattle or Tokyo. Or maybe Rome.

7. Who was the last person to make you cry?
My ex best friend from the frustration of the whole situation.

8. Did you make any resolutions for this year? What were they?
I guess it was the visit friends and find a new job. I did both. Huh.

9. Is there a song which can bring you to tears instantly?
My friends will probably make fun of me, but Cassis will bring me to tears at random times. Not all the time, but god damn if I ever hear it in person I'll just sob.

10. Who was the last person you talked about sex with?
Matt. lol

11. How did you bring in the New Year?
I don't remember to be honest.

12. Have you ever online dated?
Yeah. Catished a couple of people too with Kai and Uruha's faces. 

13. Post a screen shot of your Twitter “Interactions” page.
No.

14. Click on the messages tab on Facebook, post a screen shot (erase surnames for safety).
Nooooooo.

15. Post a screenshot of your tumblr activity page.
NOOOOO.

16. Do you believe in soul mates?
Reida and Kassidy exist, so yes.

17. Do you play video games?
I haven't had the time to lately, but yeah.

18. What age do people usually mistake you for?
19-21

19. What or whom do you miss right now?
Matt :C And the GazettE. And my friends.

20. What perfume do you wear?
Vanilla Bean Noel by Bath and Body Works lmao It's the only thing I wear. I should probably change it up, I stock up on that lotion too every Christmas.

---Bonus-AN EXTRA SURVEY CAUSE I DON'T WANNA SLEEP.---

1. Do you have any regrets?
Yeah, I don't want to talk about it now.

2. Do you have a deep, dark secret?
Yeah.

3. Have you ever hurt someone?
Unfortunately I have.

4. Have you ever self-harmed?
Yeah, not too bad. Scratching until I'm red or almost bleeding.

5. How would you like to be remembered?
I don't know if I want to be at this point.

6. Who are the three most important people in your life?
My Dad, My Mom, and Matt. [There's so much more though.]

7. Was there one event that changed your life and the way you think?
Hmmmm, I don't remember.

8. Would you sacrifice everything for love?
Depends on what I would have sacrifice for in the name of love. 

9. Are you afraid of dying?
Nah.

10. Have you ever been abused?
~

11. Have you ever been in love?
Yeah.

12. Are you happy with who you are?
Eh, I'm alive.

13. Would you ever give up your life to save someone else’s?
For Harley or Landon, yes.

14. Have you changed at all in the last year?
I believe I have.

15. Would you ever settle for someone you didn’t feel was “the one”?
I don't know.

16. Is there someone you can tell everything to without fear of judgment?
I have a couple of those. 

17. Are you pursuing your dreams?
Not right now, I'm tired.

18. Do actions speak louder than words?
Yes.

19. Is there something you would never do?
Touch a spider willingly.

20. What makes you uncomfortable?
SPIDERS.